In our busy lives, it’s easy to take our intimate relationships for granted, assuming that they will thrive on love alone. However, just like any other aspect of wellness, our relationships require regular maintenance to stay strong and healthy. This concept is central to the work of Dr. John Gottman and Nan Silver, whose best-selling book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, has helped countless couples deepen their connections and navigate challenges.
Why Relationship Maintenance Matters
Think of your relationship like a car. If you put gas but don’t maintain it, it might run for awhile, but eventually issues will crop up. If you tell yourself you’re too busy to deal with the small issues that crop up, you’ll be dealing with bigger issues sooner or later. Similarly, our relationships need consistent care to run smoothly. Here’s why maintenance is crucial:
- Prevents Small Issues from Becoming Big Problems: In any relationship, small misunderstandings or conflicts are inevitable. Regular maintenance allows you to address these issues before they fester and grow into larger problems that are harder to resolve. This can be as simple as checking in with each other regularly or making time to talk about any concerns.
- Strengthens Emotional Connection: Over time, busy schedules and daily stressors can create emotional distance between partners. Regular maintenance helps to reinforce your bond, ensuring that you stay connected and emotionally in tune with each other. This might involve setting aside time for regular date nights or practicing daily acts of kindness and appreciation.
- Enhances Communication: Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Maintenance involves continuously working on how you communicate with your partner—listening actively, expressing yourself clearly, and being open to feedback. By keeping communication lines open and respectful, you reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings and increase mutual understanding.
- Keeps the Relationship Dynamic and Exciting: Routine can sometimes lead to boredom or complacency in relationships. Regularly trying new activities together, setting goals, or even just surprising each other can keep the spark alive. Maintenance isn’t just about solving problems—it’s also about keeping the relationship vibrant and exciting.
- Builds Resilience: All relationships face challenges, whether they are external stressors like financial difficulties or internal issues like differing desires. When you actively maintain your relationship, you build the resilience needed to navigate these challenges together. You develop trust, mutual respect, and a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and boundaries.
Tips for Maintaining Your Relationship
While attending therapy can be a great way to invest in your relationship, here are some everyday practices you can start implementing right now to keep your relationship strong:
- Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Set aside time each week to discuss how things are going in your relationship. This doesn’t have to be a long conversation—just a few minutes to connect, share feelings, and address any concerns.
- Express Appreciation Daily: Take time every day to express gratitude for your partner. Whether it’s a simple “thank you” or a more elaborate gesture, showing appreciation can strengthen your bond.
- Practice Active Listening: When your partner speaks, give them your full attention. Avoid interrupting or planning your response while they’re talking. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective.
- Prioritize Quality Time Together: Make time for activities that you both enjoy and that bring you closer together. This could be anything from a regular date night to a shared hobby.
- Revisit Your Goals as a Couple: Periodically discuss your shared goals and dreams. This helps ensure that you’re both on the same page and working together toward a common future.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Workshop to Deepen Your Connection
While these tips are a great start, sometimes we need a more structured approach to relationship maintenance. Arranging schedules and funds to attend ongoing couples therapy can be barrier for many. This September, I’m offering a virtual workshop The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Developed by The Gottman Institute, this workshop provides couples with the essential tools and insights to maintain and improve their relationship.
Having been trained in delivering this workshop in 2016, and with Level 1 and 2 training in the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy, I’ve integrated these powerful techniques into my therapy practice with individuals and couples. This workshop is a great opportunity to get key information in one sitting, providing you with actionable strategies to apply immediately in your relationship.
Workshop Details
I’m offering the workshop on two different dates to accommodate various schedules:
- Sunday, September 22, from 9:00 am to 11:00 am
- Monday, September 23, from 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm
- To sign up for the workshop click here
During the workshop, we’ll dive into each of the seven principles, exploring how you can apply them to your relationship. You’ll leave with a deeper understanding of your partner, enhanced communication skills, and practical tools to keep your relationship strong.
Why Attend?
Whether your relationship is thriving or facing challenges, this workshop will offer valuable insights and tools. By dedicating just a couple of hours to this workshop, you can make a significant impact on your relationship’s future. It’s an investment in your most important asset—your connection with your partner.
Our relationships deserve the same level of care and attention that we give to other aspects of our lives. By engaging in regular maintenance and learning effective strategies, we can ensure that our intimate connections remain strong, fulfilling, and resilient.
If you’re ready to take the next step in maintaining and strengthening your relationship, I invite you to join me for this transformative workshop. Let’s work together to create a foundation that will support you and your partner for years to come.
To sign up for the workshop click here
Invest in your relationship today—it’s one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your partner.
