The first Monday of January is often referred to as “Divorce Day” by many lawyers—a day when couples, after the emotional intensity of the holidays, begin to seriously consider separation. Before making life-changing decisions, it’s worth asking: Have we truly given our relationship the tools and support it needs to thrive?

As a therapist who works with couples at all stages of relationships and in various types of relationships, I’m open that I’m both, married and believe in marriage. Here I’ll share why I believe in marriage and some practical tips for when marriage feels hard.

Why I Believe in Marriage

Marriage, in many ways, is like a thread—a connection that binds two people together. This is the person, we’ve done the background work with. We made a decision to invest in a relationship together, not a light decision. We’ve invested fully and with good faith in our relationship. In my culture and religion, this connection is symbolized quite literally by a sacred thread tied during the marriage ceremony, representing a bond that extends beyond just two people; it’s a connection of souls, intentions, and shared karma.

This thread isn’t about perfection or staying together at any cost. It’s about a shared commitment, a tether that pulls us back to the foundation of our partnership when things feel shaky. It’s what makes us pause, reflect, and consider whether we’ve truly explored every path to connection before walking away.

Of course, there are situations where breaking this thread is necessary—cases of abuse, neglect, or fundamentally one-sided relationships. For many couples, the bond is still there; it’s just strained, tangled, or frayed. Often, with the right tools, clarity, and guidance, that connection can be strengthened again.

Why Marriage Can Feel Hard—and Why That’s Normal

Long-term relationships are inherently challenging because they involve two complex individuals trying to grow both independently and together. Different communication styles, personal traumas, life stressors, and even subtle misunderstandings can create emotional distance.

What I’ve noticed in my work is this: Most couples want their relationship to work. Love is still present, even if it feels buried under layers of hurt, resentment, or confusion. Often, the struggle isn’t about whether they care—it’s about knowing how to care effectively in a way that feels meaningful to both partners.

Tips for When Marriage Feels Hard

If you’re navigating a tough season in your relationship, here are a few practical tools to start with:

1. Use Relationship Affirmations:
Negative thoughts about your partner or your relationship can become automatic and overpowering. Affirmations are intentional reminders of what’s still true and what’s still worth fighting for.
Example: “We love each other, and we are both trying our best.”

2. Reframe Your Thoughts:
Cognitive reframing involves shifting the way you interpret your partner’s actions or words. Instead of assuming negative intent, pause and consider alternative explanations.
Example: Instead of thinking, “They never listen to me,” reframe it as, “Maybe they’re distracted or overwhelmed right now.”

3. Prioritize Physical Affection:
Small, consistent physical gestures can go a long way in building emotional intimacy. Research-backed practices like the 6-second kiss and 30-second hug can reduce stress, improve communication, and remind you of your bond.

An Opportunity to Invest in Your Relationship

This March, I’m offering The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work workshop on two separate days—one in the morning on a Sunday and one in the evening on a Monday—to accommodate different schedules. You can attend with or without your partner.

Based on the renowned research from The Gottman Institute and blended with my experience supporting hundreds of couples, this workshop is designed to give you practical tools to strengthen your bond, improve communication, and build lasting connection.

Marriage is not meant to be effortless. However, with intention, effort, and the right support, it can be deeply rewarding.

If your relationship feels strained right now, I invite you to join me in March. Let’s invest in your connection together.

Stay connected. Stay curious. Stay committed.

For more information or to reserve your spot in the workshop see here or email kosman@elitec-com.